FACADE STAGEPLAY Sat Aug 20 16 01 13 2005 GRACE Trip, when are you going to get rid of this? (Dan knocks on the front door.) (Dan knocks on the front door.) TRIP What, — (interrupted) (Dan knocks on the front door.) (Dan knocks on the front door.) TRIP Uhp, he’s here! GRACE What?! You said he’s coming an hour from now! (Dan knocks on the front door.) (Dan knocks on the front door.) TRIP No, he’s supposed to be here now! GRACE Trip…! (Trip opens the front door.) TRIP Dan!! TRIP Hey! God it’s been so long since we’ve seen you! — (interrupted) GRACE No, no, here we are! GRACE Dan, GRACE Hi! How are you? Oh god it’s been such a long time! TRIP Yeah, how — how are you doing? GRACE Uh, I just asked him that… DAN ok GRACE Aw, H-mmm (happy smile sound) GRACE By the way, you look fabulous! DAN thanks GRACE So come on in, make yourself at home! TRIP I’m just going to go close the door. DAN you look good to grace (Trip closes the front door.) TRIP Heh heh, Dan, seeing you brings back good memories, — (interrupted) DAN grace very sexy GRACE Funny, Dan, for a second there I thought you were flirting with me. TRIP (clears throat) Well, we’re all friends here. DAN grace nice butt TRIP Okay, c’mon, that’s enough of that. It was kind of funny the first time, but, um – GRACE It’s alright Trip. He’s just having a little fun, that’s all. DAN grace nice tits TRIP Yeah… heh heh, okay… — (interrupted) DAN grace nice breasts GRACE (nervous coughing) TRIP uh, um… (DAN kisses grace.) (DAN hugs grace.) TRIP uh… DAN grace sex me TRIP You’re… GRACE You know we really should… uh… DAN trip leave GRACE We need to clean the… uh… TRIP Yeah, yeah… GRACE the shampoo bottle thingy… DAN grace me sex GRACE Oh, yeah, yeah…! TRIP we need to remember to return that… GRACE (long release sigh) GRACE yeah… DAN trip sex me GRACE So, Dan, ha, maybe you can give me your honest opinion about where I went wrong with my new decorating, uhh… DAN ok TRIP Oh, Grace, no, no, h — (interrupted) GRACE (little sigh) — (interrupted) TRIP W — wait, wait, wait… uh, take a — take a closer look… You have to let it soak in a little while before you say anything. GRACE So, about my decorating… GRACE Uhh, you know, when I saw this armoire on the show floor, I thought it had such a clean, simple look to it… TRIP I, I — I think it’s f — fabulous. I — I really do. GRACE but looking at it here in the apartment, it just looks like… ohh… a grotesque piece of furniture! uhh… TRIP Oh no, no… Dan, it’s good… TRIP There, see, Grace, n — no one has a problem with your decorating, everything’s fine! DAN grace it looks good GRACE Well, I plan to return most of it anyhow. This room — (interrupted) GRACE Oh! well… thanks – TRIP Dan, I think you’re trying to get on Grace’s good side tonight. GRACE (clears throat) DAN I’d like to get on her backside TRIP Huh, I think I forgot how well you two get along… DAN if you know what I mean GRACE So, Dan, I was going to ask you – PHONE ** RING ** DAN grace undress PHONE ** RING ** PHONE ** RING ** TRIP My god, what is going on with you two tonight? PHONE ** RING ** GRACE Trip, I don’t – TRIP Oh no, don’t let me get in the way, I’ll leave you two to continue. ANSWERING MACHINE ** click ** GRACE What? Where are you going? ANSWERING MACHINE You’ve reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message! TRIP Oh don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the kitchen… DAN grace sex me ANSWERING MACHINE ** beep ** ANSWERING MACHINE Travis, are you there, it’s your mother, I haven’t heard from you and Grace in a while, GRACE (frustrated sigh) DAN grace undress ANSWERING MACHINE I’m just calling to find out if you’ve settled in to your new apartment, that’s all… ANSWERING MACHINE Give me a call if you’re not travelling, I know you’re travelling a lot these days. ANSWERING MACHINE Okay, that’s all, bye Travis. GRACE Um, Trip, if — if it’s at all convenient, could you – GRACE could you turn on the mini biscotti oven for me? Just… Just set it to bella toasta. GRACE Would you do that for me? GRACE I always try to make the hors doeurves preparation a joint effort. (DAN hugs grace.) GRACE Oh… that’s nice of you… you know, this — this is all just another miscommunication, I think… GRACE (frustrated sigh) DAN grace I want sex you GRACE Dan, I… there isn’t… how… DAN grace divorce trip DAN grace marry me DAN grace sex me DAN grace love me (DAN kisses grace.) GRACE Um… well… uh…. — (interrupted) GRACE Um… well… uh…. GRACE Tr — duh Trip, dear, did you start the mini biscotti? TRIP What? GRACE Did you start the mini biscotti? TRIP I can’t hear you. DAN grace GRACE Never mind! Heh heh — (interrupted) DAN grace sex me GRACE Uhh! You… wha… ah… GRACE Dan, GRACE this all confusing, because you’ve been a good friend for a long time… TRIP What was that? GRACE What? TRIP Never mind… I can’t find the brie. Where did you hide it? DAN nothing trip GRACE Brie. We don’t have any brie. TRIP What?! Grace, I specifically asked you to buy brie! GRACE I’m sorry, I forgot. TRIP Jesus, do you just not hear me when I talk to you? Just this morning I asked you to buy brie! GRACE Look, I’m sorry I forgot the goddamn brie, alright? DAN shut up trip DAN trip dork DAN trip forget bre TRIP You know what, Dan, that’s it, you need to leave. (Trip opens the front door.) DAN wait TRIP We’ll be fine — you should just go. (Trip closes the front door.) (DAN knocks on the front door.) (DAN knocks on the front door.)