> ENTER CAR
You are now riding in Woody’s car.

>WOODY, TURN ON THE ENGINE.
The engine, it goes brrrr-brrrrr.

>WOODY, TURN ON THE WIPERS
The wipers, they go swish-swish.

>WOODY, HONK THE HORN
The horn, it goes beep-beep.

>BUCKLE SEATBELT
The seatbelt, it goes click-click.

————————–

>ENTER STORE
Store.
There is a sign on the wall.
You see a clerk.

>I
You are holding Sexy and a receipt.

>EXAMINE SEXY
It really needs to be brought back.

>EXAMINE RECEIPT
It is dated April 23.

>TIME
It is 3:00 PM on May 24.

>GIVE SEXY TO CLERK THEN ASK CLERK ABOUT REFUND
The clerk asks for your receipt.

>GIVE RECEIPT TO CLERK
The clerk reads the receipt, then points to the sign.

>READ SIGN
The sign reads: “Sexy may be brought back for refund within 30 days of purchase.”

>CLERK, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
The clerk looks you up and down. “I dunno… some douchebag in a fedora?”

Nick turned Grand Text Auto into a platform for literary gameplay with his post on When Musicians Play Interactive Fiction. Then a recent email query f [...]

You can’t go that way. Visible exits are north, south, and east.

>get spraypaint
Done.
>use spraypaint
You deface the side of the highway onramp.
Suddenly, a bright light shines in your face. A thundering wall of blue and shiny buttons slams into you. Officer O’Malley flings you up against the side of the car and cuffs you. “We gotcha this time, punk!”

Metallica:
Bodies fill the fields.
>wait
Amidst the thunder of artillery, Sarge screams at you. “Back to the front!”
>wait
A vein bulges in Sarge’s neck. “You will do what I say, when I say!”
>inv
You clench your gun, alone.

>say prayers
Who do you wish to pray for?
>include everyone
You pray for everyone. Suddenly, the lights go out.
You hear a noise.
>wait
Your ear discerns slithering noises from underneath your bed and closet. Some of the noises are undoubtedly in your mind.

And just for giggles, Raffi.
A phone rings.
A phone rings.
A phone rings.
A phone rings.
A phone rings.
A phone rings.
A phone rings.
>answer phone
The phone is yellow and shaped like a banana. A voice on the other end says “boop boop de doop de doop”
>compare yellow phone to cell phone
You dig your cell phone out of your pocket. The yellow phone is definitely superior.

You see a Jacket here.

> Get Jacket.

You get the jacket, and move toward the exit.

> Go to beginning.

You have found the Beginning’s end.

> Walk home.

Who do you want to take you home?

Also,

Aimee Mann

Me.sav created.

Pet Shop Boys

*Forest*
This is a forest, with trees in all directions. To the east, there appears to be sunlight.

You see a red door.
>paint it black

Vegemite Sandwich: Taken.

(Journey)

You maintain your belief.

(Jimmy Buffet)

I don’t see any shaker of salt here.

(The Cars)
You dance for a while.
The sky has become lighter. Dawn approaches.
You play. Wheee!!!
The sky has become darker. It is night.
You shake it vigorously, to no effect.

You see a bartender. “Hello, what can I get for you?”
>ask for whiskey
The bartender hands you a whiskey drink.
>ask for vodka
The bartender hands you a vodka drink.
>ask for beer
The bartender hands you a lager drink.
>ask for something fruity
The bartender hands you a cider drink.

(Mötley Crüe)
The Devil winces. “Keep your voice down, for Heaven’s sake.”

(The Rolling Stones (again))
> look
You see a red door
> paint it black
(Red door) Painted.
> exa door
Black as night. Black as coal.
Time passes.
The sun is blotted from the sky.

There is a donkey here.
There is a phone here.
There is a car here.

>pay

They paint the donkey blue. The phone rings.

>answer the phone

An operator from Istanbul asks if you will accept the charges.

>say “yes”

Your baby is coming home today.

>drive the car

You are dead.

>look at the girl with the sun in her eyes

She’s gone.

>take a sad song

The sad song is better now.

>look through the plate glass tulips

You can see how the other half lives.

>say “high”

Low.

>say “why”

I don’t know.

>pick up the bags. get in the limousine.

You are soon away from here.

>lay down all thoughts. surrender to the void.

The void is shining.

>Shake
Nothing Happens.
>Rattle
Nothing Happens.
>Roll
Whee! That was fun!

Donovan:

> Look
There is a mountain here.
> Climb Mountain
There is no mountain here.
> Look
There is a mountain here.
> Climb Mountain
There is no mountain here.
> Look
There is a mountain here.
> Call Juanita

Aerosmith:

> Look at Dude
He looks like a lady!

The Police:

> Go to Sting
Sting moves away. He looks annoyed.
> Go to Sting
Sting moves away. He looks annoyed.

T-Rex:

> Get on
A gong rings out!

The Bangles:

You are in a donut shop.
> Walk like egyptian
The cops say, “way oh, way oh, way oh, way oh.”

Madness:

You are in a corner pharmacy. There is an old woman behind the counter.
> Buy condoms
The old woman looks confused.

Ace of Base:

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
> Look at sign
Your eyes open.

Mister Mister
> Take broken wings
Taken.
> Take aviation instruction manual
Taken.
> Escape prison
You have escaped!

>give cigarette

Time takes a cigarette.

>open mouth

Time puts a cigarette in your mouth. Your knuckles ache.

>pull finger

You pull on your finger.

>pull finger

You pull on another finger. Weren’t you smoking?

>pull cigarette

You pull on your cigarette. The wall-to-wall is calling.

>forget

The wall-to-wall lingers, then you forget about it.

>suicide

You’ll have to be more specific.

>rock n’ roll suicide

There is a barrel here.
There is a scraper here.

You smell platinum.

>

> examine boat

Which boat do you mean?

> examine banana boat

The banana boat is empty. There is a tally-man standing next to the banana boat.

> south

The tally-man blocks your way.

> inventory

You are carrying:
a crate full of bananas

> put bananas on boat

You put a bunch of bananas on the banana boat.

> put bananas on boat

You put a bunch of bananas on the banana boat.

> examine banana boat

There is a banana boat here. On the deck of the banana boat is a stack of bananas.

> examine stack

The stack of bananas is six feet high. There is a black tarantula in the stack.

> examine tarantula

It looks deadly.

> put bananas on boat

You put a bunch of bananas on the banana boat.

> put bananas on boat

You put a bunch of bananas on the banana boat.

> examine stack

The stack of bananas is eight feet high. There is a black tarantula in the stack.

> tally-man, tally me banana

The tally-man looks over your stack of bananas. With a grunt, he unlocks the gate to the south and waves you through.

Syd Barrett:
You are getting the munchies.
The newt hits! The cockatrice hits! The mordor orc hits!
You hit the goblin!
The Battlemech hits! The manes hits! The incubus hits!
You hit the Pushmepullyu!

>stand next to fire
I don’t see a fire here.
>stand next to fire
I don’t see a fire here.
>stand next to fire
Oh, you mean… oh. Gotcha.
>move Rover
Rover moves over.

>unlock door
The key won’t unlock this door. You have a bad bad feeling about this.
>go back way back yonder over the hill
Might as well.

There is a Wall here. There are some Hammers here.

>climb wall
It’s too slippery.

>go around wall
It’s too wide.

>look wall
The bricks look like you.

>put ear against the wall
Someone’s breaking bottles in the hall.

>play guitar solo
You have become . . . well, you know.

>tear down the wall
What do you want to tear down the wall with?
>hammers
You better RUN.

Nick Montfort, Grand Theft Auto:Leonard Cohen Manhattan: Taken. Berlin: Taken….

>put lime in coconut.
You put the lime in the coconut.

>drink
You drink them both together.

>put lime in coconut.
You put the lime in the coconut.

>drink
Then you feel better.

You begin the long journey north. You cross the majestic mountains to the valleys far below and mush on through the snow to…

Alaska
The northern lights are a-running wild in the land of the midnight sun. The river is winding, and from all you’ve heard, this is where big nuggets they’re finding. The year is nineteen-one: The rush is on!

Stan Rogers
The passage to the northwest is blocked by heavy ice.

Violent Femmes
You go out the window. Splat!
*** You have died. ***