GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

TRIP
What, Grace… this?

GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it –

TRIP
I know I know I’ll do it right now, alright?!

JOE
hello?

GRACE
You know I’ve had to ask you about this several –

TRIP
Get off my back! I’ll get rid of it in just a minute!

JOE
knock

GRACE
Fine, Trip… fine…

JOE
you know im here

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Joe!!

TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! Great to see you! It’s been a — (interrupted)

JOE
hi there trip

TRIP
Yeah, hi!

TRIP
Wow, it’s so great to see you after so long. — (interrupted)

JOE
Are you okay?

TRIP
Y — yeah, yeah…

TRIP
Come on in!

JOE
I thought i heard you two fighting

TRIP
Uh, n — no, heh, come in!

TRIP
Uh, I’ll — I’ll go get Grace…

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

GRACE
No, no, here we are!

GRACE
Joe,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh god it’s been such a long time!

JOE
why are you fighting?

GRACE
Uh… well… (clears throat)

GRACE
Well, um… make yourself at home, I guess…

JOE
Okay

JOE
Hey

GRACE
Uh…

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
Oh, ha ha ha!

JOE
look

GRACE
By the way, you look wonderful!

JOE
why thank you

JOE
you both look great

TRIP
Oh, well, uh, we’ve, uh… we’ve missed you. — (interrupted)

JOE
I need a boyfriend.

TRIP
Whoa, hold on there my friend, let’s keep that raging libido of yours under control tonight. — (interrupted)

TRIP
Hey, I just realized something.

GRACE
What…

JOE
how have you two been?

TRIP
Huh? No, we’re good, I’m good, everything’s good…

TRIP
(clears throat)

JOE
i don’t believe you Trip

TRIP
N — no, remember how you introduced us almost exactly ten years ago tonight?

JOE
Yes i do

JOE
You are a beautiful couple

TRIP
We really want to thank you for years and years of… — (interrupted)

GRACE
Should I leave you two alone to keep flirting?

TRIP
What? Grace, no –

GRACE
No, I don’t want to get in the way… — (interrupted)

JOE
what?

TRIP
Alright, good, heh heh, maybe you’re on my side tonight after all, ha ha.

JOE
I’m gay but he is not

GRACE
So, — (interrupted)

JOE
Grace

GRACE
Oh, um, well… I want to ask you…

GRACE
Uhh, you know, everybody tells me the view from our balcony is so wonderful…

JOE
It is

TRIP
Well, it’s funny how after a full day’s work designing magazine ads, Grace finds the time to decorate… and re-decorate…

GRACE
Ha ha, uhh, I guess it’s just the artist in me dying to get out.

JOE
Re-decorate?

GRACE
Ugh, the layout…

GRACE
So, about my decorating…

GRACE
Uhh, what I wanted with this room was some kind of post-modern style…

TRIP
Yeah, yeah…!

JOE
You succeeded

GRACE
Oh, well…

GRACE
(frustrated sigh) So I was trying to find a style for this room…

GRACE
but it is clearly not happening at all. This is such a mess.

TRIP
Oh, Grace… — (interrupted)

JOE
It is not!

GRACE
Uhh!

TRIP
See, Grace, as always, you’re the only one unhappy with your decorating.

GRACE
Uhh… right, I know, I’ll — (interrupted)

JOE
This apartment looks good!

GRACE
Oh… well…

TRIP
That’s a nice thing to say, I’m sure Grace appreciates that.

GRACE
(clears throat)

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

JOE
Look here

TRIP
Oh that — that’s just a little joke advice giver toy thing that I like to consult now and then…

TRIP
when I need a little guidance. Ha ha.

JOE
what the painting?

GRACE
Look I know you love my decorating, everybody loves my decorating. Except for me. Let’s talk about something else, God…

GRACE
(big sigh)

TRIP
(little sigh)

TRIP
Ah, Joe, — (interrupted)

JOE
well okay then.

JOE
hmm?

GRACE
Y — yeah, no, wait, what’s wrong, Trip?

GRACE
well…

GRACE
Anyway…

GRACE
Trip, there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend –

TRIP
We’re NOT disagreeing.

TRIP
We’re not disagreeing.

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

JOE
You’re arguing

TRIP
Um, uh, wait…

TRIP
You think I’m…

TRIP
angry…

TRIP
Ha ha, ha, oh, you’re — you’re quite the kidder tonight, ha ha ha…

JOE
I think Grace is angry.

GRACE
Ha, yeah, ha ha…

TRIP
Ha ha, heh, never afraid to say anything that pops into your mind, ha heh heh…

JOE
I’m an honest friend

GRACE
Oh yes, yes, go — (interrupted)

GRACE
Uhh, it’s a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course he’ll like it! — (interrupted)

GRACE
Yeah, yeah!

JOE
hey

GRACE
Yes, yes, go take a look…

JOE
can i have a drink?

TRIP
Yeah, hang on, ooh, I’m going to make you one of my fabulous drinks in just a minute, heh! — (interrupted)

GRACE
Uhh, Joe, please don’t encourage him. — (interrupted)

JOE
okay

TRIP
Yeah, yeah.

GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.

JOE
hey trip

TRIP
Um… uhh, Now, — (interrupted)

JOE
go to the couch

JOE
You need to sit with your girl

TRIP
What…? Joe,

GRACE
Trip, that was just a well-intentioned little poke in the ribs between friends, that’s all.

JOE
Trip, go sit with her.

JOE
yeesh

(JOE sits on the couch.)

GRACE
Joe, this is making you uncomfortable. See Trip, was it really worth it to fly us all the way to Italy so you could take that inane picture?

GRACE
(little sigh) I’ll take the picture down later tonight before I go to bed.

TRIP
Grace…!

TRIP
(short petulant sigh)

JOE
Grace.

TRIP
Wait wait wait — see, uh — I just wanted us to spend time together!

JOE
I like his picture

TRIP
Oh, uh…

GRACE
That’s kind of you, I’m sure Trip’s happy to hear that.

TRIP
(clears throat)

JOE
Grace, come on. Why so mad?

GRACE
Trip thinks carting me off to Europe will, how did you put it, thaw me out a little bit?

TRIP
uhh…

JOE
Thaw you out?

GRACE
Wait — see — Trip tricked me into going!

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

JOE
How?

TRIP
Oh, I didn’t think you cared to hear about our Italy trip… (big sigh)

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

JOE
Of course I do.

GRACE
N – no, Trip can get overly obsessed.

(JOE gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
Oh my God, Joe, — (interrupted)

JOE
Mind if i look around?

TRIP
Uh, well, uh — we need drinks!

GRACE
Trip thinks he’s at his classiest when he’s on the serving end of a swizzle stick.

TRIP
Why don’t I make us one of my new drink inventions,

(JOE picks up the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, “Maybe Later”)

TRIP
Just leave my little advice toy out of this, okay? It’s not hurting anyone, it just gives advice!

JOE
It’s just an 8-ball

(JOE shakes the advice ball.)

(JOE puts down the advice ball.)

TRIP
(little sigh) (clears throat)

TRIP
So… I should make you one of my drink inventions…

GRACE
It’s a secret — Trip doesn’t even like the taste of alcohol. — (interrupted)

JOE
Yes please

TRIP
Ah, Joe, you are an adventurous drinker, like me.

GRACE
Joe, I think Trip is pressuring you too much… how about just a simple glass of white wine?

TRIP
(exhale very tense)

JOE
Okay, white wine please

TRIP
Yeah, no, I’m going to make this drink for us!

TRIP
Our friend is here, we’re going to enjoy ourselves, that’s all there is to it!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don’t you? Everybody!

GRACE
Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were a real bartender.

TRIP
What?

JOE
Look , let me try it

GRACE
In college, you were a bartender.

TRIP
How do you know about that?

GRACE
Oh I know you were trying to keep it a big secret, but… one time my friends and I went slumming off-campus to some crappy bar in the sticks, and we saw you there.

TRIP
Oh, that’s great.

TRIP
Uhh, you’re driving me insane!

JOE
Trip! Why did you keep that secret

GRACE
What, what are you saying?

TRIP
You hide things from me! You’re so distant! You…

TRIP
You do, you hide things from me!

GRACE
(impatient sigh) — (interrupted)

JOE
You hid being a bartender

GRACE
Alright, yeah, fine…

GRACE
Everyone tries to explain everything…

GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you’re so… controlling!

TRIP
Oh, god…!

TRIP
Carting you off to Europe…

TRIP
Grace, I do one little thing wrong, and you’re cold and distant! Just one thing wrong, that’s all it takes!

GRACE
Oh, my God…!

JOE
You two need to look at something

TRIP
Alright, you know what, Joe,

TRIP
I’m going to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip –

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

JOE
Go ahead…

TRIP
Joe, yes or no…

TRIP
Each person in a marriage is supposed to try really hard to be _in sync_ with the other, right?

JOE
Of course.

GRACE
What…?! — (interrupted)

GRACE
Oh, alright… yes…

GRACE
Just admit it, Trip, admit it, we have an shitty marriage! We’ve never been really happy, from day one! Never, goddammit!

TRIP
Oh, god…!

TRIP
Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!

TRIP
I can’t frigging take this!

JOE
But you were happy back then….

TRIP
Oh… Shit!

JOE
look at your wedding picture.

TRIP
What are you saying? What?

GRACE
What, I can’t hear you, are you talking to me?

TRIP
I was not talking to you!

JOE
Trip , could you come here?

TRIP
Joe, this has never ever happened before…!

TRIP
uhh…

(JOE hugs trip.)

GRACE
Joe, from what you said before, about forgiving… I think we’ve already learned something about Trip.

JOE
Im so sorry

TRIP
Oh, we’re talking about me again, are we?

GRACE
What?

GRACE
Trip, it’s your fault — ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,

GRACE
you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art!

TRIP
What?

GRACE
If it weren’t for you, I could be a real artist by now.

TRIP
Uhh… Joe, uhh…

JOE
Advertisers make more money.

TRIP
Look around here. We’re doing well, really well.

GRACE
God, Trip, I can’t believe even now you’re still…

TRIP
Oh yeah, you’d never admit that I’ve created a good life for us.

GRACE
Dammit Trip!

JOE
This is a nice apartment, you know

TRIP
Christ, Joe, can we possibly talk any more about Grace’s stuff tonight? (frustrated sigh)

JOE
thats not what i meant

JOE
Grace, can’t you forgive him?

GRACE
Let’s keep talking about Trip.

GRACE
Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on..

TRIP
They’re vacations! Expensive ones at that!

GRACE
Of course nobody thinks to ask me what I want.

JOE
Grace, this is art.

GRACE
Uhh, this painting, well… mmm… see, all I really wanted was something personal and, uh… beautiful and special…

TRIP
Grace…

GRACE
But I just… mmm… no, I — I just get so depressed and angry when I look at it!

TRIP
Jesus…!

JOE
Then look at your wedding picture

GRACE
God, that wedding picture… I hate it.

TRIP
Grace, how can you say –

JOE
why?

GRACE
You — (interrupted)

GRACE
Why?

GRACE
Joe, yes, that helps me. Trip, our wedding was just one more example of how things work in our marriage.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

JOE
Your wedding was great.

GRACE
Look, if we’re going to talk about marriage, all I can say is, it doesn’t turn out the way you expect it to.

TRIP
Grace…

JOE
You both looked so happy.

TRIP
Ah!

GRACE
You’re saying I’m… not depressed? Uhh… well…

GRACE
See, Joe, I… uhh… I’ve been very lonely.

JOE
Why are you lonely?

GRACE
Ah!

JOE
You have trip!

TRIP
Joe, you’re saying… I’m not a loving person? Uhh… no…

TRIP
Grace, you know I’ve never wanted anyone but you…

JOE
Trip, do you love her?

GRACE
Aha!

TRIP
What?! Are — are you trying to say… I might not love Grace?!

GRACE
What?!

TRIP
Jesus, I — is that… that’s what you think is going on here?! — (interrupted)

JOE
No, it’s a question.

GRACE
No?

JOE
Do you love trip?

TRIP
Ah!

GRACE
What…? Are you trying to say… I might not love Trip?

TRIP
What?!

GRACE
Oh, god, I — is that… is that what you think is happening here?!

TRIP
That’s, that’s — that’s what you think?!

JOE
Im not saying anything.

GRACE
No?

TRIP
Oh my God… I cannot frigging believe this… uhh…

JOE
Do you love him?

TRIP
Uhh…

TRIP
Okay, I’ve had enough of this bullshit!!

JOE
Do you love each other?

TRIP
Joe, I know what you’re hinting at, okay?!

TRIP
about us…

TRIP
about our marriage…

TRIP
Do you two want the truth? Huh?

JOE
yes

TRIP
Grace?

GRACE
Yes…!

TRIP
See, Joe, I’ve been paying attention to what you’ve been saying tonight.

(JOE comforts grace.)

TRIP
Joe, Quit interrupting me, let me speak!

JOE
Okay

TRIP
You’ve really been pushing me tonight.

TRIP
It makes me wonder if you’re really my friend or not.

GRACE
Trip!

TRIP
Joe, I ask you this — yes or no…

TRIP
Do you really think that…

TRIP
flirting with me…

TRIP
praising Grace…

TRIP
criticizing me…

TRIP
saying that Grace is not loved…

TRIP
saying that Grace is depressed…

TRIP
and worst of all,

TRIP
suggesting that Grace doesn’t love me…

TRIP
but especially what you said about being in sync with each other in a marriage…

TRIP
that all that is supposed to help us realize something about us?

TRIP
Is what you’ve said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?

TRIP
Is it? I just want a yes or no.

JOE
That is up to you.

TRIP
No, Joe, just give me a yes or no.

JOE
Yes.

TRIP
Right.

TRIP
Grace…

TRIP
uhh…

TRIP
I forced you to marry me, didn’t I.

TRIP
When I proposed to you, in front of your parents, on Christmas Eve, and…

TRIP
I knew you wouldn’t be capable of saying no.

GRACE
You manipulated me.

GRACE
And I never did anything about it.

TRIP
Yes.

(JOE sits on the couch.)

GRACE
And here we are.

TRIP
uhh…

JOE
I’m so sorry, guys…

GRACE
uhh…

GRACE
Oh my God…!

TRIP
Joe, I –

GRACE
I’m going to give you the truth too, Trip.

TRIP
What?!

GRACE
Trip…

GRACE
uhh…

GRACE
In college… I was in love with someone else.

TRIP
What?!

GRACE
An art major, named Vince.

TRIP
An art major named Vince –

GRACE
And…

GRACE
And I slept with him.

TRIP
Y — y — you what?

GRACE
The night before you proposed to me.

(JOE gets up from the couch.)

GRACE
I jinxed our marriage, Trip.

GRACE
I jinxed it. I’m sorry.

GRACE
This is all my fault.

TRIP
Uhh… huhh… ho… wow… uhh…

JOE
It’s nobody’s fault.

TRIP
Uhh… I’m glad you finally told me.

TRIP
Jesus…!

TRIP
Okay, Joe, Grace, I have one more thing to say…

GRACE
Again?!

TRIP
Grace…

TRIP
uhh…

TRIP
I’ve been having an affair.

GRACE
Oh my God.

TRIP
It’s over now, though.

GRACE
But how could you –

TRIP
(big sigh) with the client, in, uh, Barcelona.

GRACE
Maria.

TRIP
I was lonely, Grace.

TRIP
But, but, I — I regret it, I really, really regret it.

TRIP
uhh…

JOE
So you do love her.

GRACE
uhh…

GRACE
Oh my God…!

GRACE
This changes everything…

JOE
Both of you cheated…

TRIP
Yeah.

GRACE
And no, Joe, enough of that already…

JOE
Are you going to divorce?

GRACE
You finally admitted it — you felt very alone… and you had an affair…

TRIP
You feel like you ruined everything from the start…

TRIP
I manipulated you into marrying me…

GRACE
No, I — I let it happen…

GRACE
Joe, we…

TRIP
Joe, I –

JOE
Yes?

TRIP
Look, we — we need to talk…

GRACE
Yeah.

TRIP
And no, Joe, enough!

TRIP
Joe, Thanks for coming over, you… I think you helped us.

JOE
I hope you two are okay.

(Trip opens the front door.)

JOE
Bye grace

(JOE comforts grace.)

JOE
bye trip

(JOE hugs trip.)

JOE
goodbye

JOE
good luck

GRACE
Bye. Thanks.

(Trip closes the front door.)